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On the evils of Mallard Fillmore

Posted by austinburns on July 6, 2006

So, after a couple of months of reading Mallard Fillmore disgrace himself again and again in the Opinion section of the Orlando Sentinel, I decided to write to the editors regarding my distaste for the strip. Here is the letter:

Ok, can we admit a mistake? We tried it out, but it’s just not working. Having Mallard Fillmore next to Doonesbury is just embarrassing. Even if you remove the political leanings, Doonesbury has a decent narrative, tying together multiple storylines to tell a story. Meanwhile, Mallard Fillmore “reports” on “current” events. The problem with Mallard Fillmore is by the time he draws the strip and submits it and it’s published, whatever he was writing about has vanished off the political radar. In about three weeks we’ll get the first batch of North Korea missile test “jokes”.

Another problem with Mallard Fillmore is his hypocrisy. Last month, he was shouting for the media to remember, “Innocent until proven guilty,” with respect to the Marines alleged behavior in Haditha. Within a week, he was back on his personal warpath to condemn the U.N. Peacekeepers who have been accused of trading food for sex in impoverished countries. What happened to, “Innocent until proven guilty”?

And, lastly, I was pretty aware that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed. In addition to the Orlando Sentinel reporting that, the “godless liberal” Jon Stewart told me, too. Do the right thing, Orlando Sentinel, get rid of this lame duck.

Here’s hoping it gets published (doubtful). Anyway, I doubt they’ll pull the strip. In today’s paper, they ran this letter:

Thanks for printing the “Mallard Fillmore” cartoons alongside “Doonesbury” on the op-ed page. It obviously is getting under the skin of those on the left who write you with emotional tirades when they view blunt truths they don’t want to acknowledge. The liberal feedback gives me additional laughs following my daily read of “Fillmore.”

Just to put letter writer Patrick Murphy at ease, we on the right don’t get our facts on global warming from a comic strip. We actually look at the complete factual data over a long period of time instead of buying into Al Gore and other liberals trying to find something to work their constituency up into an emotional lather.

I will admit that we have had a global warming trend over the past 25 years, but in the 1970s, scientists were predicting global cooling. If you get past the hype and look at the real facts, you will see that this has been a cyclical issue since the dawn of time.

The real facts are that the “godless liberals,” as Ann Coulter calls them, believe that man is capable of overwhelming this accidental planet that came into being with our big SUV emissions, as opposed to an omnipotent Creator who controls the balances of the nature He brought into being.

Thanks Sentinel. Keep printing “Mallard Fillmore,” and keep the laughs coming.

I won’t even go into the contradictions in the letter. (You admit a warming trend for 25 years, but scientists in the 70’s predicted a cooling? Didn’t you just prove that global warming is happening? How is it a cycle if it’s not getting colder? And what “balances of nature” is he seeing the world? Arrrghh! Whoops. I said I wouln’t go into this.) I’m just surprised that anyone actually likes Mallard Fillmore. I used to lean pretty conservative (growing up in a religious private school and all), but even then, I don’t think I would have liked this comic strip. There’s no subtlety, no nuance, he just bashes you over the head with his ideals. Ok, time to calm down. Rant over.


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